Opposites Attract? Yes, But For a Surprising Reason

We've known this for a long time. Opposites attract.  More about my husband later.  But a new study says that, besides from attracting each other, they can make some good decisions together.

According to newswise.com, opposites may attract and drive each other a little crazy, but, together, they can make satisfactory decisions despite their divergent attitudes, says a Boston College researcher who led a study that explored how selfish and altruistic consumers join in decision making.

Consumers routinely make joint decisions with others - which restaurant to eat in, what movie to watch, or where to go on vacation. Researchers from Boston College, Georgia Tech, and Washington State University wanted to see if people with opposite attitudes could come to satisfactory decisions together, the web site reports.

"The studies found that when paired with a selfish partner, it is better to behave altruistically rather than selfishly," newswise notes. "Similarly, when paired with an altruistic partner, it is better to behave selfishly to achieve a desired outcome, according to the findings, reported recently in the Journal of Consumer Psychology."

In both scenarios, the paired respondents were able to come to decisions that best reflected their individual preferences, or what both partners personally liked - if they took the opposite attitude as that of their partner, explains Boston College Carroll School of Management Coughlin Sesquicentennial Assistant Professor of Marketing Hristina Nikolova.

"When you see that your partner is acting selfishly, it is better to let it go and act altruistically instead; let them make the decision because this will ultimately ensure a better outcome for you than if you act selfishly too," says Nikolova, a co-author of the article "Ceding and Succeeding: How the Altruistic Can Benefit from the Selfish in Joint Decisions."

"In the joint decision-making of an altruistic and selfish consumer, the selfish partner would willingly express her desired preference, while the altruistic partner will likely accept these suggestions," Nikolova continues. "Since consumers' preferences are more similar than they recognize, an altruistic individual will likely get an option that she somewhat prefers even when a selfish partner drives the decision. Thus, regardless of who drives the decision, both partners are likely to reach a joint decision that is relatively preferred by both of them."

Conventional wisdom suggests that standing one's ground is associated with positive outcomes, Nikolova said. But that's not necessarily the case.

"In the context of joint choices, however, we find that two selfish heads do worse than one altruistic and one selfish head; two selfish consumers jointly choose options that neither of them prefers. This happens because both partners are likely to be rigidly self-oriented when negotiating with others," she asserts.

For those who are selfish in nature, conceding runs counter to their nature. The study found that selfish individuals are likely to meet suggestions with counteroffers even when the suggestions somewhat coincide with their own preferences, Nikolova says. And that might actually be a bad thing.

"This propensity to counteroffer rather than concede inadvertently leads to negotiation," she concludes. "The two selfish partners trade rejected offers until they land on an option that is further down both of their preference lists but is deemed acceptable by both partners."

Now back to my husband.  He's very calm and slow-moving (drives me crazy!) and I'm a Type A.  There are times, yes, when his inability to move fast makes me want to, ahem, do something, but the moments when I come home upset about work or friends, and he listens and tries carefully o find a positive side, I decide I'll keep him.